How do I come out as queer to my best friend in a funny and stupid way?

“Her name was Bella… And yeah she would love to do it. But That’s the thing. See I can’t fuck Bella for her becuase she would get super jealous and freak out and that would be the end of it. We would be done. No chicks… I can’t have sex with any chicks or else she would consider that to be cheating…”

“I promise”

Bro you are not gonna believe what happened to me this weekend. I was at the gym. I had this great workout. I did chest and legs. But there was something wrong with the AC so I was sweating like a pig. So I get done and I decide I needed to shower up before I headed out. I walked into the shower and this dude was standing there with a fucking boner stroking his cock right there in the showers. I couldn’t believe it. I tried to look away really quick but because of that I wasn’t paying attention and I slipped on a bar of soap that was laying on the ground near the entrance, At first I was able to stay upright on my feet but my one foot was super slippery from hitting the soap so I kept almost falling over. Right in the direction of boner guy. It was weird too because when something like this happens to you it’s like time actually slows down. It felt like it took me a full minute to actually fall. And in that minute I was getting closer and closer (despite all my efforts not to) to boner dude. As I started to realize that I was going to fall right into boner dude my eyes locked onto the one thing I was trying to avoid which was his big cock. My eyes got huge and I started to Scream NOOOO. But that was the wrong thing to do because it opened my mouth. And I fell right on top of boner dude and his dick went right into my fucking mouth. I was horrified. I tried to pull off his cock but dude pushed my head down even deeper so his cock was almost touching the back of my throat. And that was it. Dude started spraying my throat with the most delicious juices I have ever tasted in my life. It was the craziest thing. So anyway… any plans for this Friday? Me and Boner Billy are thinking about going out to see a movie. You wanna tag along. Maybe go on a double date or something? It’s up to you…

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“Well that is exactly why it would matter. She isn’t having sex with a man so it’s not like she is cheating on me either. Does that make sense…”

“Bro I dunno if I can. I mean yeah we can try but I’m not promising anything. I know for a fact that my dick is not gonna get hard. with you even in the same room.”

“Ha ha… yeah I know… So we have been live streaming and masturbating together while she has been gone…. And it’s been great. But she last week. Fuck why is this so hard…. Ok I’m just gonna say it. Last week. She sent me a video of her kissing and making out with this other girl who is out there in California. At first I was a little jealous. But it’s so fucking hot watching them tounguing each other and licking each others lips and her friend so smoking hot.”

Do opposites attract? How often do you see weird couples like a guy/girl dating someone who is boring with no sense of humor ?

“why are you telling me about this if you aren’t going to let me see the video?”

“I mean she is awesome…. And I can’t get mad at her but she’s been in California for a month now.”

“Fuck no….”

Why is Trump not on a violation of probation, offering a job for an endorsement is in violation of federal law? Kaamala knew better she is very sharp.

“What exactly are you talking about? What would you need me to do. I mean I could film you if you want. I could be the camera guy….”

So a couple of weeks ago I had this total nightmare. It was out of no where too. I had met this chick who was really pushy about sex. And at first it was a lot of fun. We were fucking in public bathrooms and late at night in parks and in front of people and it was such a turn on. But then bitch got fucking weird. She insisted that we go to an adult bookstore. So we go to the back room and we both go into one of these booths they have there. And I drop some quarters into the movie machine and we are making out and I turn her around and slip my cock inside her and about that time I notice some dude has shoved his cock through a little hole in the wall between the booths. I just laughed it off. But this bitch bends over and grabs the dudes cock. Then she starts sucking on it while I am still fucking her. I was so shocked that it kinda turned me on. I know dreams don’t mean anything but it was weird that it was turning me on so much. Then she pulls my cock out of her and kneels down on her knees in front of the dick. Long story short she makes me get down next to her and before I knew what was happening she was barking orders at me to suck this cock or else I had to leave. I did not want to suck no fucking cock but I also hadn’t cum yet so I was desperate and I don’t know why but I started sucking on this fucking cock. She was going back and forth with me. She would suck it for a while and then she would make me suck it for a while. I went to town sucking on his dick hoping he would nut so I could go back to fucking her again. But right before I got it back inside her another cock was pushed through the hole. She wouldn’t let me fuck her until we got that one to cum too. Cock after cock after cock she was making me suck dick and I was starting to like it. Then she told me to turn around and guide a dick into my ass. I finally freaked out and woke up. I was laying in a puddle of sweat and cum all over my sheets. So being a little concerned about how this made me feel as a man I decided to go down to the adult book store and find that chick and prove to her once and for all that I was a real man and not just a cock sucker. I don’t know why I thought she was going to be there. So I looked all over for her and I couldn’t find her. But I was horny so I thought I would just go into a booth and jerk off real quick. And that is when it happened almost just like it did in the dream. A Giant cock was pushed through the hole in the wall and instinctively I just dropped to my knees and started to service this guy, while I was imagining her standing there telling me what to do. And I know it doesn’t mean anything but I really thought I should give you a head’s up just in case you ever go to that bookstore. Don’t put your cock through the hole in the wall because there is a fifty / fifty shot that it could be me on the other side.

“Yes… she has tons of them and they are all super freaks. I’m telling you.”

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“Well this is going to be interesting… There is no way you will be able to get me hard but if you wanna try yeah go for it. You can suck it if makes you feel better but Its not gonna get hard.”

“Duh… And yes the sex is amazing. I can honestly say that the sex is the best sex I have ever had in my entire life. She is crazy wild in the sack. I mean like I have never even thought about doing half the shit we do in the sack. It’s honestly…. It’s probably a little bit too much. I mean she is a super freak. Like really kinky. It’s almost too much for me. But everything we have done so far I have been blown away.”

FAST FORWARD

What was your first gay male experience?

“What’s kind of mean?”

“Yeah but bro that feels like your fucking mouth wrapped around my cock. Is that what that is? are you sucking my cock?”

“OMG…. Bro slow down…”

How can you know if they are your twin flame and not limerence or obsession?

“Well if you are hard it will make it look like you are enjoying it more….”

“Wow does she have any friends?”

“No now I want to know. I’m not gonna think wierd about you. Tell me… You have me all curious now.”

What are the withdrawal symptoms of Klonopin 1mg?

“Oh yeah ok I get it… So if she is doing this chick then it’s not really cheating… So that means oh fuck wait a minute… Where are you going with this?”

“Keep them closed it’s a surprise…”

“No bro… I’m not…. You would think. But Holy shit…. I mean it wasn’t just my asshole. She started off on my dick and deep throating me and then sucked my balls into her mouth and then my taint. She kept going further down and I was about to push her off of me and then I felt her tongue hit my hole. And don’t tell anybody I told you this… But when her tongue hit my hole…. Dude I fucking came. I came all over myself. I wasn’t even touching my dick. It was just this involuntary explosion. It was so intense I passed out for a few seconds afterward. It was crazy.”

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“You’re joking right?”

“keep them closed…”

“Come on man… don’t be stupid all of a sudden. I mean I’m not asking you to fuck me or to get fucked by me all I’m asking is we roll around naked and pretend like we are into it. and we jerk each others cocks a bit. And then we’re done and we don’t ever have to talk about it again. And we just pretend like it never happened. Please.”

Why is it important for Hollywood celebrities to come out against Trump?

“What you fucking liked that shit?”

“I hear that… It’s been a hot minute for me too…. Not a month but a hot minute…”

“Just my girl and her friend. I promise… Are you actually thinking about doing it?”

Hi everybody! I have been looking at posts on narcs and narc abuse on here and if has really helped me out a lot. I am currently struggling with my situation and need some advice/support. I met a narc last year, everything seemed to good to be true. Love bombing, always texting calling and taking me on dates. Everything changed when someone warned me about him out in public in front of him and who he is. This caused a conflict with us and the love bombing seized. he would tell me that everything is okay and i can come and talk. He would set a time limit on me and kick me out after that. he would then text me like everything was fine and we hung out again and after that he completely ghosted me for one week. He came back and texted me a week later laughing about the ghosting and acting like nothing had happened. he continued to text me ( not like in the beginning) make plans with me, then on the day of the plans he would just ghost me. One day he would act interested the next silence. i contacted him a month later and he acted like nothing happened. He was on a vacation and sent me a picture of another woman ( someone he allegedly met on the trip) to strike a reaction but i never gave him one. After the trip he came to my place and was extremely rude, accusing me of going on dates with a bunch of men. The next day he accused me of being an alcoholic and that he wanted nothing to do with me but said well maybe we can be "friends" then ghosted me i assumed at this point it was over and i would never hear from him again. He contacted me on the holiday a month later acting like everything was great. We ended up hanging out a month or so later and when we hung out it went well, i thought things were going in the right direction. after we hung out.. silence. I would try to text him and if he replied it would be very short then he just stopped replying. He ghosted me for almost three months. I thought he was done this time and of course he popped up again like nothing happened. At this point i was getting sick of if so i questioned him as to why he dissapeared and always does this. Of course he had some sob story about a injury and family member dying of cancer. I felt pity for him and he gave me an apology.. so i took him back stupidly. things seemed to be going smooth for a couple months, of course until his family member died and his injury got better he never contacted me and was distant. Menawhile, i was there for him during the difficult time for him. He lied to me about the funeral and never wanted to chat. I was chasing him and he would always claim nothing was wrong but when i said i thought he used me when he was down he could not handle it and would always tell me he didnt care and to go away. I would get so upset i would try texting him to work it out he would barelt respond and if he did he would not be nice about it. we did hang out a couple times after that, he would ignore me after. One day i was like hey i think you are seeing someone else, and i was like well ixam seeing someone so no problem if you are he said " buy bye good luck with your new guy stop contacting me" i was devastated and tried to get into contact with him for weeks then i just gave up and accepted it was over. He ended up contacting me a month later acting like everything was fine. He wanted to go out and have drinks i told him i would. He and i both seemed to have a great time. He ends up ignoring me again. I kept texting him trying to figure out what was wrong. He kept saying everything was fine and i said ok can we hang out again? He said maybe i was like why? He just kept saying maybe … our last conversation we had… i said what is wrong ? He said nothing is wrong everything is fine. I asked him why he keeps saying maybe. He said " maybe but i dont want to see you right now" i said why? He saix " im just not feeling it, if i wanted to date i would" i said why did you contact me less then a week ago wanting to go out? He said i didnt.. even though he did. So i said should i just move on or what? He said whatever you want to do. So i said that he was really confusing me and asked him if he had anything more to say before i move on? My messages were turning green so i panicked he blocked me and reacted irrationally. I said " omg did you block me? My messages are not going through. Even texted him on my work phone asking what was up. And called him twice ( please dont judge me i know it is pathetic i never was this type of girl before him) so he replied and said " Ok I'll block you now" then immedietly blocked me. He has never blocked me before since I have met him he will just ghost. Is this ths final discard aka " grand finale? Did i just push him too far? this has upset me so much its hard to even function.

“Keep your eyes closed.”{

“OK I”m going to hold you to that….”

“Selfish… How are you being selfish?”

What are some other ways to say "you're welcome" in French besides "de rien"?

“Try saying it in English. That is going to work best with me…”

“Well then send her a fucking video dude… This is a no brainer. What is the big fucking deal?”

“Super freak how…. Like what exactly are you talking about?”

Why are people outraged over Latina actress, Rachel Zegler, being cast to play Snow White in the live action remake of Disney’s Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs?

“that is so funny it took you this long to finally have the light bulb go off…”

“Well Kind of…”

“Ok… Look I need to ask you something but it’s totally fine if you say no I totally get it but I don’t even know how to say this…”

“Slurp slurp slurp…”

“Well you definitely got hard….”

“Close your eyes….”

“Holy shit I’m nutting in your fucking mouth….”

“I wouldn’t if it wasn’t important.”

“Dude your arms and chest I would kill to have those….And I’m just going to break the ice and do this now….”

“What the fuck? Why?’

“I’m not mad at her at all. I’m just super fucking sexually frustrated right now.”

“She told me that she made two more videos with this girl and that she wants to do more with her but she says I’m being selfish.”

“I don’t understand… She’s with a chick… So what would that matter?”

“Yeah I think you might be too….”

“You can’t be mad at her for that bro. That’s the right thing to do.”

Or if you might want to mess around with your bud you could always be like:

“I don’t remember ever seeing you naked before…”

“You fucked her yet?”

“Well she wants to see me messing around with another person. Not just me by myself. Cause she is with the chick and all and she wants to see me fucking around as well.”

“Dude youre fucking ripped man… Seriously… I feel a little ashamed now…”

“Oh yeah that’s kinda tricky… What about that one chick from Webster you know the one who liked to wear her cowgirl boots while you were fucking her. Melinda or Belinda or some shit like that…. Right? I bet she would do it.”

“Yeah but I’m not gay bro…. I mean I love ya and all but are you asking me to have sex with you? Is that?”

“Wow my best friend is stroking my cock…. Holy shit.”

“Maybe… we’ll see… So then the next day she send me a video and they are in bed together and they are both fingering each other. I jerked off watching that stupid video like ten times in one night. It was so hot.”

“I’m telling you that you need to stop because I can’t hold back…. Ok here it comes….. I have to open my eyes…”

“She’s from there and her dad is sick. He doesn’t have much longer to go and she’s trying to help out for these last few days he’s here on this planet because he doesn’t have anybody else that can help him.”

“OMG what is that….”

“Well she wants to see a video of me as well?”

“But would you at least try?”

“SO I have to be hard for this?”

“I can’t believe you are asking me to do this.”

“Hey bro did I tell you about Shelly? No… Yeah the blond with the big tits I’ve been seeing. No… Well I really don’t want to get too much into it right now but she’s really awesome. I don’t want to say I’m in love just quite yet because that scares the shit out of me. But she is definitely someone I could see myself loving if that makes any sense.”

“And who all is going to see this video?”

“I wanna see it…”

“Yeah I think I might actually be gay.”

“Well no we don’t have to have full on sex if you don’t want to. But I was hoping you being my best friend and all you would be a little more open minded about this….It’s not like I’m just dying to see you naked or anything. But I need a favor and you are the only one I could think of that I might even feel comfortable doing something like this with. I mean come on bro I’m not gay either.”

“Well….I don’t… I mean I’m too embarrassed. I can’t tell you… You will think I’m just fucking lost my mind or something…. Just know that it’s all been fun.”

“I know… Same here….”

“I can’t believe I’m doing this and in front of a fuckiing camera for christ’s sake. Unbelievable. You owe me big time….”

“Thanks bro…”

“Well like… I can’t believe I’m about to tell you this…. It’s so embarrassing…. Oh fuck it…. Have you ever had a girl stick her tongue up your ass before.”

“Good idea…”

Or tell him…

“Dude are you gay?’

“I do…. I do…. I know…. Thank you….”

“That’s awesome…”